Degauze

About

Hi!!! This is where I will share my thoughts sometimes.

Blog #4: I love Bikes.

Bikes are such incredible technological innovations. Think about it--they are so efficient and rely only and solely on human power. That in and of itself is incredible! However, know what's more incredible than that? How fucking fun they are to ride. Seriously, there is nothing that brings my ass child-like wonder in the way that a good bike ride will.

Plus, as a man, I have a bit of the manly desire to work on cars. However, that's too much. Cars are scary. Cars are big. Car guys scare me. Most importantly, they're expensive. Bikes? I swear all bike parts are $10 (used). It's beautiful. I can set out in one afternoon to change a crankset and then change the damn crankset and have an infinitely more enjoyable ride. Like. I'm capable of working on a bike, and you are too! It's a powerful feeling.

Blog #3: What the Fuck is Healing?

My ex and I broke up a year ago. We have been no contact for nearly a year--however, that changed a few days ago! I had a bike that she used... she wanted that bike back. I had a record player that she believes is her's (I'm willing to contest this)... she wanted that record player back. All good, right? We text. I fix up the bike. We orchestrate a time to drop off. The drop off happens. Then?

Then, I was sad!!! I was sad and angry (and insert any other emotion here). Why? I don't know! Being in the old apartment, seeing her with new friends (she had friends over), seeing my old roommates, seeing the old pet--all of it made me so, so, so upset. This is all to bring me to my final point.

All the talking heads I see say so much about healing. They say so much about how much time it takes, how it's a personalized process, independent to each person. Cool! What the fuck is healing? Is healing not thinking about it anymore? I nearly got there--but that doesn't feel like healing. Is healing replaying an event or a series of events until you're numb to it? I nearly got there--but that doesn't feel like healing. So, what the fuck is healing? What is my end goal? I can make myself numb--I've done that before, and I think I'm trying to do that now. However, how do I HEAL?

Blog #2: I Played in Another Show!

Yes, you read that right! I played in yet another show. Again, I can't reveal this show... Again, mysterious. But! It was a blast. I've been pouring a lot of effort into my band activities recently. I feel like I need something else to work on.

I work a full time job. Often, at the job (which I do like!), I just have the desire to work on something that is personal to me as well. As my little band is starting to play more shows and record more music, I've found more things to work on in regards to the band--I.E. contacting venues, maintaining a social presence, producing official versions of our songs, so on, and so forth.

Blog #1: I Played in a Show!

Yes, you read that right! I played in a show. Unfortunately, I shan’t reveal the show location, the band, or what function I serve to the band… Mysterious. No, to be genuine, I have relatively bad OCD, and I am genuinely full of self-hatred (yes yes, bad, I know) and I am horrified of being canceled. I would rather my music and my outward-facing character represent my character than my self. There’s something freeing in a character. Nonetheless, I will say—this was our best show yet!

It was so rewarding to see everyone moving, to see people actually enjoying our music. The only times I audibly messed up were when I tried to do a dumb dance move and missed a note. Not a single one of us missed a transition or seriously fucked up. I don’t think we’ll ever “make it” or anything like that, but we’ve recorded some demos and put out some music. It’s awesome to watch something you put a good bit of effort and time into pay off a little bit.

Anywho!! Yep. That’s kinda all I got. I had a blast. I love playing music, I love my friends, and I love my little band. Thanks!